Chapter 9 - Intergenerational Relationships: Adult Children

According to our text, "after spouses/partners, adult children are the most important source of informal support and social interaction in old age" (pg. 358). My widowed grandma is living in her own home just a short walk down the road from my parent's place. She has been a diabetic for most of her life. Although she has two sons still alive, my dad is the only ones who has taken the initiative to care for her.

Recently, she has had more serious health concerns including a heart attack. She also fell and broke her shoulder when she had the heart attack. My parent's believed she needed to have more constant care and even put her into a nursing home for a short time. She was not happy with this situation and once she had recovered enough to return home, they hired an in-home nurse. The doctors also believe she may have cancer, but she refuses to let them test to find out. She says it doesn't matter anyway if she does have it, she isn't going to get treatment for it. She is a very independent and strong person and, in my opinion, she is ready to go. She has lived in constant pain for years. I also think the only reason she hasn't given in yet is to continue to be there for my dad who isn't ready to let her go. My father doesn't care about the inheritance he may get when she passes away. He wants her here as long as possible. This creates stress within their relationship, having different wants and views on the situation.

This has put a lot of responsibility on my parents, emotionally and financially. They visit her on a daily basis. They bring her dinner every night as she is no longer able to cook for herself. They provide ongoing support to her, taking her to the hospital when needed and ensuring she is taking her medications. When my parents plan to be gone for a few days, they have to make sure they have arranged for someone else to check on her every day and bring her dinner every night. When the power goes out, my dad has to go start a generator to keep my grandma's oxygen running. As much as this may seem difficult, they are happy to do this for her at the same time.

Chart provided by AgingStats.gov

My parent's situation is not unique. According to this chart, the highest percentage of marital status in women 85 and over is widowed. This percentage is also very high for women 75-84. Our text states that "widowed mothers are more likely to live with children than are divorced, single, or married mothers" (pg. 342). Although my grandma doesn't live in the home with my parents, they are close enough to be to her house in less than a minute. This shows the commitment and responsibility they, and many other adult children caring for their parents, must provide.












The video below is a dialogue that provides some very useful information on this topic. Jim Comber talks about his experience in caring for his parents and gives advice on how to make the best of the situation.

The link below will take you to an article called "Family Matters" that was published in the Indianapolis Monthly. The article talks about the importance of family and gives advice on how to prepare for caring for your elderly parents.

http://ida.lib.uidaho.edu:3304/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=5411b63c-542b-4f6f-9d0c-e6837d59521c%40sessionmgr115&vid=8&hid=112

Here is another interesting article on the topic. This one talks about parental sacrifices and obligations that adult children face as their parents begin to age.

http://ida.lib.uidaho.edu:3304/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=5411b63c-542b-4f6f-9d0c-e6837d59521c%40sessionmgr115&vid=16&hid=112

The link below will take you to a website called "A Place for Mom". It provides information about senior assisted living facilities, in-home care, and nursing homes. It also gives helpful information about many other topics, including nutrition, Alzheimer's, and calculating care costs.

http://www.aplaceformom.com/

"Aging Parents" is another helpful website that gives a lot of information on caring for elderly parents from financial advice to providing emotional support for your parents.

http://www.agingcare.com/